


Figuring It Out

by BatchSan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dorks in Love, Humanstuck, Humor, Multi, Other, Polyamory, but is an AU of NYCstuck canon, set in the NYCstuck universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 09:07:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2145009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatchSan/pseuds/BatchSan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"You have three hickies on your neck and you smell faintly like dog and baby powder," Bro said, "What have you've been doing?"</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Figuring It Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pyrrhic_victoly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrrhic_victoly/gifts).



> I set this in my [NYCstuck](http://archiveofourown.org/works/573073) universe just because I felt their interactions would come out a little more nature there, but no real knowledge of that story is required other than that they're in high school and live in New York City in this fic. =) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> **Edited: 8/17/15**

It's a quarter to midnight when Dave enters the apartment. Lil Cal is hanging out on the couch, remote controller under his puppet hand. The TV isn't on so the humorous effect Bro was likely going for feels more creepy than it should. As Dave walks by, he swears Cal's eyes follow him; judging him.

But that's crazy because Lil Cal isn't actually alive, Dave is somewhat certain.

There's a chance Bro has already gone to work, and there's a chance he could be still sleeping. Realistically, Dave knows, there's a really good chance Bro is just lurking somewhere in the apartment, waiting to strife with him at the most inappropriate of times. Still, Dave risks heading into the kitchen for a late dinner.

In the knife drawer, he finds a Cup 'O Noodles and some Twizzlers. Taking the noodles, Dave goes about preparing it, dumping cold water straight into the styrofoam cup and popping it into the microwave. He knocks back some apple juice he finds under the kitchen sink as he waits. It quickly dawns on him that he's not as alone as he first thought, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end.

Dave tries his damnedest not to look nervous by Bro's sudden appearance at his side not even seconds later. He doesn't say anything so Dave decides not to say anything, doesn't even look at him. He taps his fingers as he focuses on the microwave's digital numbers as they count down the last thirty seconds on his noodles. At twenty seconds he thinks this shit is taking too fucking long and why the hell is Bro just standing there not even pretending to be busy doing something?

At fifteen seconds, Dave feels a bead of sweat roll down his spine. He tries not to move as it licks his back and disappears into the waistband of his boxer briefs. At five seconds he begins to think he'll be able to get out of here relatively unscathed, for once. 

Four. Three. Two.

"You have three hickies on your neck and you smell faintly like dog and baby powder," Bro said, "What have you've been doing?"

One.

Shit.

Okay, let's reevaluate some things: Dave is a stoic mo'fo. Cool as an ice cube in the middle of Antarctica. He doesn't get scared easily, nope, not one damn bit. And he has wicked awesome sword skills -- kendo sword skills, but still sword skills. There's a badass little bunny robot hidden on the roof that can testify to it. And also, his twin sister, flesh and blood, is the queen of creepy tentacle hell.

In short, Dave has this. He can look his father right in the eye--shaded eye--and tell him he's getting his mack on with one of his long time friends and an angry albino boy. Fuck yes.

So Dave tips his face sideways to do just that but orange eyes are glaring hard at him. His stomach drops, mouth goes dry, and even his shades slide down a bit on his nose because Fuck, that's Bro serious biz look. All that self confidence he just built up evaporates faster than a drop of water on a desert plain.

"Dog grooming," Dave says without thought. It's the only thing his brain can string together in semblance of an answer. Jegus, that's the lamest lie he's ever given and they both know it. 

"Wanna try again?" Bro asks, stance and look unchanging.

"Not really," Dave answers truthfully, "but I can give it another go."

*

"So then what happened?" Jade asked.

She's wide-eyed and kicking her feet against the back of the park bench she's sitting atop of. Dave grimaced as he thought back again to last night.

"I told him I fell on some puppies," he answered.

"That's lamer than the dog grooming excuse," Karkat interrupted. 

"Yeah, well I told you not to gnaw on my neck so damn hard. I get it, it's hard to resist the Strider charm but use a little less suction in the future."

Karkat shoved Dave but it was half-hearted as he rolled his eyes. Jade giggled from her spot between them.

"Cut the bullshit. What finally happened in the end?" Karkat asked, stretching his legs.

"Bro gave me two fistfuls of condoms from who the fuck knows where and gave me the birds and bees lecture. It wasn't even ironically amusing, it was a nightmare."

Karkat and Jade exchanged looks before bursting into hysterical laughter. Jade even slid off the back of the bench into the seat between the boys and collapsed partially on Karkat as tears formed n her eyes; Karkat was in no better state. Unnecessarily adjusting his shades, Dave waited quietly for the duo to regain their ability to speak.

"Aw, don't be mad," Jade said, taking off her glasses to wipe her eyes. 

"I'm not mad," Dave said monotonously.

"Yeah right," Karkat said, "and I just love it when Vriska harasses me for no fucking reason."

"You know, I have wondered about that," Dave said and cocked an eyebrow at the other boy.

"Fuck you, dickface."

Intervening, Jade threw an arm around both boys' necks and hugged them to her. "No fighting you two! Or no awesome movie night at my place this weekend!"

"About that," Dave cut in, "are you sure your Grandpa is cool with two boys spending the night with his precious granddaughter? Who knows what hijinks we might try with you."

Without dropping her smile, Jade shot back, "Between Bec and my rifle, Grandpa, nor I, have anything to worry about!"

Kissing Karkat on the cheek and then Dave, Jade stood with a giggle and rummaged through her pockets in search of something. "I better get going before dad starts to worry - it's my night to eat dinner at his place tonight."

She waved her Metrocard at them as she walked away. When she was gone Dave looked over at Karkat, nodding his head. "Wanna go somewhere and make out?" He asked.

Blushing, Karkat fidgeted and looked around to make sure no one could hear them.

"I gotta get going soon too. Kankri will rip me a new one if I'm late again for work at the family store. Plus, it feels not right without Jade."

"Fuck your cousin, and Jade doesn't mind. It's not like you and Jade haven't fooled around while I wasn't around," Dave pointed out, then paused. "Wait, it's the condoms that I said Bro gave me, isn't it? You think I'm gonna try to pop your cherry without Jade being around or some shit, is that it? Because while that sounds like a weird thing to fit in between now and dinnertime, Jade would have Bec skin my hide with his huge doggy teeth. You've seen them, they're massive. I wouldn't stand a chance, bro."

If Karkat blushed any brighter, he'd likely would become permanently red, or so Dave figured.

"S-shut the fuck up, asshole," Karkat stammered. "I wouldn't let you touch my metaphoric cherry if you were the last fuck alive."

"You keep telling yourself that, Vantas." Standing, Dave adjusted the headphones hanging around his neck. "It is getting late, I guess. Lemme walk you to the train."

Biting his lip, Karkat nodded his head and stood too. They walked side by side in silence, the cold of winter reluctant to let up as they crossed the park and headed down the subway stairs. Rush hour crowded them tight together; Karkat slipped his hand into Dave's, drawing a small smirk from Dave.

"I thought you were against PDAs?"

Scowling at him, Karkat bared his teeth slightly. "I never said I was against them, only an excess of them. And for fuck's sake, I'm trying to have a nice fucking moment with you. Can that be a thing without you--"

The shorter boy fell silent against Dave's lips, holding his hand tightly in surprise and nervousness. The sea of people around them only continued by, most scowling in annoyance of having the couple partially blocking their way.

"You're welcome," Dave said, afterward.

Smiling slightly, Karkat looked away. "Whatever fuckass."

*

"You told John?" Dave asked in disbelief. "You told your brother about us?"

Jade looked up from where she'd been kneeling beside Bec, her fingers still scratching away at the large dog's belly.

"Of course! I had to tell John eventually, he is my brother after all," she said. "Rose would've probably told him anyway "

Dave flinched slightly at the sound of his sister's name. "Rose knows?"

"Come on," Jade laughed, "there's no way Rose wouldn't know by now. She always knows these kinds of things."

"What's keeping you two?" Karkat asked as he peeked into the hallway from the living room.

"Jade told John about us," Dave said. "It's cool though because Rose already knew."

Somehow, Karkat managed to blanch whiter than he already was. He looked at Jade first for confirmation then released a shaky breath. Dave was expecting a more explosive reaction but maybe this shocked and chilled approach was a little better, and appropriate considering Jade's grandfather was lurking about the house somewhere.

"John's cool with it, guys," Jade tried to assure. "You know John though. He freaked a bit at first but once he got over the initial shock he seemed glad that at least I was with people he knew."

Seeing that the boys were still in a state of shock, Jade sighed. 

"Come on, it's not really that bad! We couldn't hide it from everyone forever!"

"It's not like that," Dave said. "Just thought we would announce things a little better is all. Like with all threre of us being present at the same time, for one thing. Instead Vantas and I end up looking a bit skivvy because we're not there to be like yeah, it's all cool and equal and romantic just like Jade deserves."

"Aww, Dave! Don't make me feel bad just for being too eager to tell everyone about us!" Jade said with a small pout.

Dave sighed. "I'm sorry. I just don't want anyone getting some weird idea about us."

"Weird like how?" Karkat asked, looking defensive even before he was done asking his question.

Dave smirked as he draped an around around Jade's shoulders. "Weird like why the fuck would that cute, blushing Vantas kid want anything to do with those other two nerds."

Giggling, Jade elbowed him in the ribs playfully and shrugged off his arm. "Don't listen to the coolkid nerd, Karkat. He's just worried people will judge you and me for letting him tag along with us," she said.

This made Karkat smile, one of his rare truly happy smiles. "Yeah, well stop being all weirded out and let's watch this bullshit movie already so we can then watch something good."

"Sorry if _Scary Movie_ isn't rife with romantic comedy," Dave said as he followed the pair into the living room.

"It's a shitty movie, is all I'm saying," Karkat argued. " _Hitch_ is way fucking better by so many yards you'd collapse of exhaustion if you actually realized it. It's brilliant beyond words!"

" _Hitch_ is not a 'brilliant beyond words' movie. It's not even close to great and so far from good it got lost at Albuquerque and got shot in the face by a lisping hunter."

Karkat's pale skin exploded into a nearly violent shade of red as his anger reached its pinnacle. "Fuck you so fucking hard, dicklicker. You have no fucking idea what you're talking about. I'm clearly wasting my time on your tasteless assface."

"Don't be so tough on yourself, Vantas. Pop in an actually good film like _Step Up_ and then come back and apologize any time you want."

If Jade hadn't chosen to intervene right then, Karkat might have wet himself or popped a blood vessel in frustration. Instead, she shoved them onto the couch and plopped down between them with her laptop on her lap.

"I have a much better solution," she giggled.

Opening her laptop revealed the title screen for _Scott Pilgrim vs The World_. The previously arguing boys looked at each other and smirked.

"You win, Jade. Best of both worlds right here," Dave said.

"Yeah, " Karkat agreed.

"I know," Jade laughed and hit play.


End file.
